‘VA-JAY-JAYS UNITE’

VA-JAY-JAYS UNITE…what’s that smell?
There’s something I’ve never understood. I have found it impossible to keep my mouth shut on the subject this time. My news-feed has been flooded lately with advice from doctor type men or coaches telling me how to keep a healthy vagina. At first I ignored the urge to push on the links but they kept coming like a bad case of bed bugs. Therefore, I had to see what advice they wanted to share.
I realize to some folks this topic is a sensitive one.
Therefore, I feel the need for a disclaimer here…


If for any reason you get squeamish at the thought of the word vagina, you should cease reading. If you feel conviction or guilt by association…read no further. If you find yourself aroused, you need to simply put down this article and head to the nearest church. Lord knows I don’t want to cause you to sin. Furthermore, if you are one of those enlightened vagina gurus that happen to be a man, perhaps you need another hobby. Whatever the reason, if you feel inadequate or in any way violated, consider this a warning. GO NO FURTHER!
This is simply an observation by a woman with a vagina to other women with vaginas. Therefore, brace yourself because there could be something nasty brewing down South.
Think of this conversation as a public service announcement that will enhance the quality of the air we breathe. We don’t need to go out and save a tree every day (although that would be nice) but one must care for their own garden. I’m here to encourage you to support the clean air act…between your legs!
I grew up in a household where Mama did not discuss sex or vaginas. We could discuss many things but topics sexual in nature were off limit. Hell, Mama had no clue how women even got pregnant until after she married. Also, it was not until after her fifth child that she figured out how to prevent the pregnancies. Mama was just a child herself. Being from an Iron Catholic background, those topics were not discussed in her family home either. Therefore, we did not get ‘the talk’ while growing up.
However, I feel the conversation is well overdue…by women that actually possess a vagina. You see, I’ve been to the woman’s bathroom in church when the odor of ‘crotch rot’ caused my eyes to want to melt out of their sockets and my nose want to bleed indefinitely. I was just too young at the time to label such an offensive odor.
Some women would rather go hide in a cave then even be caught talking about this. But, trust me! Some nasty smelling things you can’t hide under a bush.
Now, let’s get real!
With proper care the vagina can rule the world. Vaginas have the power to cause men to be the submissive ones for a change. I’m good with that.
Either way, if that crouch muffin is not taken care of properly, one can find themselves in full vomit mode if you are within nostril range of a bad southern region.
I think there’s a misconception floating around out there that it’s natural to smell nasty. Honey, believe me there ain’t nothing NATURAL about that kinda stink!
Nonetheless, there seems to plenty of men on the world-wide-web claiming to be experts on our va-jay-Jay. I’m thinking really what qualifies these men as vagina gurus? Perhaps they have gone ‘down under’ once or twice, but have they ever walked around with a vagina between their legs? What qualifies them as experts? We all know to be really familiar with something as powerful as a vagina you have to live with it 24/7. I mean…do we really trust these gurus for advice? Like we should run to them so they can tell us how to care for something they have never owned. It’s like someone seeing desert landscape for the first time and telling us to prepare for a flood. Yeah, that $#!t ain’t right!
The more I read…the more I realized these self-proclaimed vagina experts are real ‘dumbasses’ when it comes to the care of our LADY PARTS.
I don’t question the fact that there are women in need of this information and they need to be more aware of their own bodies. Mothers need to educate their daughters on useful female hygiene and not depend on the school sex education class to cover all the bases. In reality we all need to continually be learning the ways of the beaver. Not only does the record need set straight on the care of our vaginas but also on some of the misinformed gurus out there.
If we ignore the topic and pretend ‘vagina rot’ does not exist, the next hot item for sale will be bedazzled gas masks. Because truth be told, honey, you don’t stand upwind of a cesspool and pretend you’re in a field of lavender. Let’s be real. Vagina rot can be a disgusting matter.
Now, just so you know: one of the biggest beefs I have with these self-proclaimed male sniffers happens to be the fact that they are blaming us for the odor. Not once have I read where they take any kind of responsibility. I mean, don’t they know they can be part of the problem? Yep, there it is! They may be partially responsible for the tainted vagina.
We are not talking ‘swamp ass’ here. You can clean up swamp ass with heavy duty soap and water. Crotch rot is a whole different beast.
With that in mind I’d like to say to the men who claim to be professionals on the topic: have you ever looked at that ‘lil’ buddy’ of yours and wondered if you could be contributing to the infestation?
Now, I’ am just throwing this out there!
I read nothing that told me y’all have attached to you, your very own personal vagina? Nor, did I get the impression that y’all have any clue on how to really take care of one from personal experience.
Vagina stench is not something women wake up longing for after a night of wild sex with their partner. Nope, it’s just the opposite.
We go along minding our own business then the stench slowly starts making its way to our nostrils. We check under the couch, in the ice box, mice traps and under everything that can be turned over…to no avail. Then we take a second and make a mad dash to the bathroom to piss so we can hurry and get back to looking for the source of the ungodly scent. Panties come down to our ankles and two hours later we wake up on the bathroom floor overcome with disgust. We grab a wash rag and cover our nose while we try to figure out what has crawled up our vagina and died. Yeah, trust me, it’s nothing we desire.
Yet, countless men who claim to be vagina experts are so eager to chime in with a stock pile of female hygiene advice. They claim we need to just douche it, powder it, soap it, spray it, scrub it, wax it, shave it, trim it and do whatever it takes to get rid of the offensive smell.
“Just fix it,” they say.
Again, please tell me where do ‘they’ get off to informing us about our own vaginas? We are the ones that have lived with them since birth.
Sure, they may have been allowed to take a peek at ‘HER MAJESTY’ from time to time. But that does not qualify them to give advice to women on this subject.
Ladies! Listen up!
Vagina rot is not a lost cause. We have in our hands the power to help Mother Nature and save air quality for future generations.
I admit we are a complicated gender. However, I believe we are a united force of good and our vaginas need to reflect that sweet goodness. We can rid the world of vile rot once and for all with proper love and care.
Just doing these few things can make life much easier.
*Clean your vagina often, before and after sex.
*Have your partner clean theirs as well.
*If truly experiencing vagina rot…get to your doctor.
*Spend time getting to know your vagina.
Remember, it’s his head she wants to bite off once a month…not yours.
*She’s a self-cleaning machine and needs proper time and care to do just that.
*Know that if you are ‘doing it’ every night with different partners Mother Teresa can see you and so can baby Jesus. Besides, it’s not the proper Southern way to act unless of course…you’re a whore.
*Be aware of food and medicine intake that can cause odor in your under carriage. This also goes for your partner.
*Drink lots of water to keep your system flushed and also your partner should do the same…lots and lots of water! Some people produce more acid in their body than others and this can contribute to a rank smell as well.
*Take no advice from anyone that does not daily care for a vagina of their own.
*Embrace your vagina…she’s in it for the long haul.
*If a man says you stink…you be the judge. Don’t freak out, touch it, look at it, sniff it and then you make the call. No one should know your vagina better than you…especially one of those self-proclaimed enlightened vagina gurus.

tina sig 3

4 thoughts on “‘VA-JAY-JAYS UNITE’

  1. I only wish I was a professional Hog callin’ winner…
    I would let out a yell they would hear all the way in France…
    Such a beautiful and stinky sharing… but I always like what you do… Please write down and mail m,e the best solution for male jock itch… please…Sista’ Please… Were you a Doctor before you began writing for a living? ( not that it matters if you were or weren’t…) I like Pigs too… Like the way they smell…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My only gripe here is calling women whores. So what if a woman likes to have sex every night with a different person?! Do you call men who do the same whores?

    Other than that, awesome write!

    Like

    1. Hey Jamie,
      Multiple partner(s) on the same night, every night…some would tend to call them whores rather they are male or female. It’s not meant to single out women only. We all have those friends in both genders. I’m just saying…clean in between.

      Like

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