How could I have known…this innocent looking hairpin could send me straight to hell!
There’s something deep within the soul of a person who’s been exposed to Pentecostal roots, or any Southern hardcore religion, for that matter. One soon develops a passion to do what’s right and pleasing in the sight of God. Some people have dreams, visions and, dare I say, ‘déjà vu’ regarding which path to take. Nothing wrong with that unless you are trying to shove that path under someone else’s feet.
Just a gentle nudge will do…
Growing up I accumulated an enormous amount of guilt and unresolved issues of acceptance. Never feeling like I fit into the mold everyone expected. I didn’t quite understand the hair thing, dress thing, makeup thing and many other rules for that matter. However, the guilt thing…was always there.
For instance, I remember wearing a pretty little hairpin to church; the hairpin served the sole purpose of helping me keep this untamed hairy beast on my head looking halfway decent.
However, that night the church had a visiting preacher screaming fire and brimstone at the congregation from the top of his lungs. He dove in and out of the details concerning the fiery pit of damnation that awaited us. It was soon brought to my attention that even my tiny lil’ hairpin could send me busting through the gates of hell.
‘Why?’ I wondered.
It was just a hairpin with a fake zirconium diamond that had long lost its luster. I had gotten it years ago somewhere, perhaps at another church garage sale or from Mama. I simply could not remember for the life of me where. So there I was, sitting in church with the newfound knowledge that this little hairpin would soon be my demise.
I slowly tried to reach up and carefully slip it from my hair as the preacher darted around like a wild deer. But then it occurred to me…what if the mess I had carefully assigned my hairpin to hold up, came crashing down upon my shoulders, causing a fresh out-of-the-bedroom look? Would I be held responsible for the souls of men who sat on these pews? Would I be the one to cause uncontrollable lust and therefore send them to Hell? My hairpin had powers that I had no clue existed. I tried to reach up and pull the pretty evil-doer from my hair. It was too late,the preacher quickly made his way to the corner of the pew where I was sitting. I had been caught. He saw it. Had I known of my hairpin’s seductive powers, I would have never worn it to church.
The preacher continued yelling, only louder now. I dared not to look up, I could feel spit droplets hit the back of my neck as the preacher continued. The congregation was now turned around watching him carry on. Dam#, my ears were on fire, everything about me blushed.
My mind went there.
At any moment, I just knew that preacher would be reaching up and slapping me on the forehead.
Oh, this evil, rebellious little hairpin had me in so much sh#%! How was I supposed to know? It was an innocent-looking hairpin. I had no clue that men could be brought to their knees by such obvious, unseen, wicked powers.
It seemed like preacher man stood over me for an eternity; my ears rang from all the screaming. I had my head down and was whispering my own prayer that he would just leave me and my hairpin alone.
Suddenly, I heard his voice move further from me and closer to the pulpit. Instant relief flooded my soul. I thank the good Lord for saving me that dreadful day.
Lessons are everywhere…and the two most valuable ones for me were:
1. Never underestimate the power of a hairpin when in a woman’s hairdo.
2. Men who are weak enough to lust over a hairpin…don’t belong behind a pulpit or on a pew; they belong at the alter!